Cutting the Strings

I think this post is mainly for all the moms out there... guys, you can just skim (like you read these anyway! ;) ) Anyway, I have come to the immense realization that babies DO grow up. I know, it's a shocking revelation. Seriously though, all those sleepless nights you hold your sweet little bundle of joy and you think that their birthday seems so far away- heck, even a good nights rest seems like a pipe dream! And then one day you realize they are six months old and you have been sleeping pretty well lately. Then you blink again and they are a year and a totally different creature than what you brought home from the hospital just a year ago.
It really is quite stunning when you think about it...
The other thing that has really gotten me thinking this week is about how fast they begin to grow apart from you... From the moment they leave your body, your only job is preparing them to leave you! Aargh... what a job! The reason this has been on my mind is that as of this coming Monday Ashley will be completely weaned from nursing. For those of you that don't know (and actually care) Ashley has been exclusively nursed the whole year. She had a 2 months stint with an occasional bottle but decided she was not a fan. So, draught milk it was... It has definitely had its benefits and drawbacks, but now that it is coming to a close I can't help but be a little sad about it. As she has gotten older and more busy (and that child is BUSY) her nursing times were the quiet refuges of the day. The one time when she was peaceful, still and quiet. When she would cuddle and put her little fingers in mine... It was just so sweet! (Ok, I'll be honest, I am now crying. :( ) As she fell asleep in my arms for the last time last week it about broke my heart to know that she would, in all likelyhood, never do that again. Ever. The thought of that was amazing...
I wonder if she'll ever know how much I have loved this time with her... I wonder if, when she's older, she'll ever just crawl up in my lap and fall asleep- just for old times sake? I hope when I am old and gray I will still remember the feeling of her so peaceful in my arms. I have absolutely treasured the moments with my "little burrito baby" and I am sad to see them go. ( we called her that b/c she loved to be swaddled so tightly to fall asleep for so long)
Funny thing though, as if on cue- she has started taking steps this week! The other day we counted 4 steps. It's as though in one week she has decided she is "big". Like she is telling me to cut the first of many apron strings and let her go out into this big world... Well, I'll cut this one string now, but I hope she knows I am right behind her if she falls to cuddle and kiss her tell her it will be alright.